Naia

   

    waiting. exhausted.

motherhood...


looking forward to it..



scared.
anxious.
excited.




fulfilled.

2009 October 21

i can't believe its been this long since ive blogged. i just read my old posts and couldnt help but laugh about what i wrote. everything has changed since then... things are a whole lot better. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better and yeah, let me mention.. normal. *wink..
now, just to update you my dear site about my life. im not single no more. yeah, im dating someone. next topic. heheheh
same friends , geographically apart from others ( i miss toni and debi ) , bigger dreams, more ambitious and more bonded with an addition of very cool people.

i am so crushed. bleeding. i don't know what to do. i can't do this anymore. why does it have to be like this? they all tell me that i will be ok. that's my spiel too when someone is in my state. its so easy to mouth the words but so hard to achieve it. have i given it all?

my friends keep telling me im strong. but i wanna weak. i can't take it anymore.

7years and its over

after 7 long years.. its over..

i feel pain over your betrayal
but no regrets coz i loved unconditionally
heal heal heal
in time.

im back..with so much drama!

2009- my first post. since oct.28. i had a long vacation from blogging. its not that i didn't have anything to write. i was more indulged in talking than writing. now im back. and i have a lot to share.



just a recap:

dec. 26

i had a huge fight with Mr.A where i ended up leaving the crib. i had my share of insults and 1 slap that day. but what hurt the most was when Mr.A blurted out she likes someone else.I didn't believe her. 7 years. Did i tell you we had been together for 7 years? Well, going back, i didnt believe what she said. I wasn't hysterical. I left, hurting.





dec. 27

home. home sweet home. slept the whole day. too exhausted. from work and pain. hmm that rhymed.



dec. 28

i bought cleaning materials. to distract me. had to clean my cluttered room. been ignored for months and i felt it was the time for me to give it some attention.got tired. i logged in to the internet. and i became evil. i accessed something that wasn't mine. i dont know if i should regret this day or not. but alas, here it was.



an ex of Mr. A was my first suspect. I found out that Mr. A requested for the chat id of ex. pretending to be Mr. A, we started talking and a name was mentioned. Oli. i confronted Mr. A and she said its not the ex she likes but the cousin. I figured it was Oli.



dec. 29

i was so proud yet very hurt. i was attacking Mr. A. Insults here and there. I couldn't believe it. I was so hurt.



well to make the story short.

i found out that Mr. A really was cheating. and i still couldnt believe it.



but Mr. A chose me and promised not to contact Oli ever again. Yeah, it was Oli. And when Oli and i talked, she confirmed they have a 3 day old relationship. Mr. A swore to end it and that it was me she loved. it was over by Jan. 2



we were together all the time. there were still some petty fights.

chat id is no longer accessible to Mr. A. She leaves the cellphone behind too so i wont doubt.

things were better, i believe.



i went home jan 6. i wanted to trust Mr. A. for the past 7 years, she never did this to me.

i went home jan 7 to our crib.



the laptop was there. i still felt the need to spy. Im good at it.

and there i found out..



theyre talking again. new chat id. but theyre talking again.



i didnt attack Mr. A. ill pretend i dont know. We'll see..

randoms..thoughts emotions dreams...

no lengthy blogs..

i am bitter when i look at you laugh with them. the family that you call your own. i don't have that. not by fate but by choice. i have secluded myself from my comfort. you did not ask for it- i let it happen. it was the easiest way to make you SEE i care. YES! SEE- not feel. You refuse to FEEL i care.

i came across ellen's site. this really inspired me. i love our world. anything can happen if we allow it. in our hearts, we are reaL.

thursday rain

i woke up too early. i only slept for 4 hours. not enough to keep me awake at work. i was in a deepsleep when i awoke to the sound of the heavy rain and thunder. i then realized there was no electricity. i got scared. but then one big thing hit me. i was alone. in the dark. and it was raining too hard and the thunderstorm was scaring me. i didn't move. i couldn't move. i pretended to sleep again. too much effort. the rain kept pouring. i opened my cellphone. no messages. no attempts from someone. dinerdash saved me. well, it kept me occupied...then i felt like peeing but i didn't want to stand. i didnt want to look at the other spaces in my room.my mind is playing.. im scared..

then the lights came up.

whew!

opened my laptop.







wish u were here or i was there with you...

DL..down elink or diggin lesbos???

it was fun.. talking to the same blood.. teasin, getting to know each other.. i practically spent 4 hours on that site. when you're bored and you want time to pass you by without noticing it, this site is for you..and did i mention this site is for the *toot*. good for the heart. had some good laugh!

met RJ, JEN, KESHA, MAYE. REUNITED WITH IANE AND AS ALWAYS MAH FRIEND JAB!

sunday..

700am- had breakfast
corned beef, bread, coffee

730am- gave Xiaoping a bath,
chitchat with Mai2x
watched the carpenters ( not the singers, but workers)

900am- ate chocolate
played with my phone
played with Xiaoping

1000am- ate Bulaklak
opened my laptop
checked friendster, multiply, facebook- internet again

130pm- ASAP, charisse pempengco, sarah geronimo

230pm- went to SM

bought stuff for the munting paraiso

400pm- ate at brutus

chitchat with aton

500pm- date with sophie, sean and steffi

530pm- let's paint with the kids

730pm- went to the munting paraiso

830pm- went home

930pm- ate dinner

init na rice with danggit

when papa hugged me........

im the blacksheep. each member agrees to that. ive done a lot of bad evil things. fortunately, they always forgive me. especially my papa. just recently i disappointed them. i went home and was expecting a "talk" from him, but instead.. he just hugged me.. (im crying now) he does that all the time.

he's different. his principles are different. and we disagree all the time. but he spoils me much.


when papa hugged me, i felt so loved.

i love you papa. so much.

H.L.A.O.T.V.E.E.

i know you've experienced this. hating someone you love. Like really hate! you've felt that, right??? like really hate that person that you can already imagine that if he’s in front of you , you'd kick him in the face. Aghrh! I’m so pissed off right now. Fortunately for all, this kind of feeling subsides in 24 hours.

sssssssssshhhhhhhhhh

i sometimes become too involved in other people's issues and i don't like it.when will i learn to mind my own business. as much as i want, i seem to part of it cause i always have something to say about something.it's not that its solicited from me, i just say it.
i need to stop and learn not to intrude. i dont want to be in big trouble.
reese! shut up!

wide awake

uh oh! it's almost 5pm and im wide awake. what will happen later. i cant get my zzzz's at work or can i?? hmm 1 hour won't be too bad of me. to won't be in the office. it would have been better if she was there. id have a smoking buddy, de is too far for quick smoke breaks. hmm. coffee.. yeah ill drink lots and lots of coffee..

i wanna sleep but i can't turn off the laptop. i cant do it. i can't seem to stop.

tsk tsk tsk.. this is bad. i hope its just for today.

de, you still need to help me modify my site. youre a pro at this.. i need your services ehehhehehehe

help!

what happened today???

i stayed in the office for a total of 12 hours. no... im not a workaholic. i wasn't working the whole time. hehehehe... 6 hours were spent really working and probably 6 hours pretending to be busy... well in fairness to me, i was able to complete all cdl's , had a mini team meeting and was able to accompany a friend to the airport. i say, reese was productive today! yipee!

i am just happy today. . hmm maybe it was the congee that i ate! hmm i should be eating more of that..

im still smiling. i love it when im in my room. i love the smell. my space. i hope i won't oversleep.

nothing important to write..just for the sake of it..heheheh

yovi's sunday

off we went to the province of tabuelan. that was last Sunday.. September 28. It has been a long time since we spent time together. Unlike before, the weekend was a time to bond and just laugh about everything. ja, ju, de, to, at and lo. that's the cast. ja and de are now talking again. im glad. :) it was a 2 hour drive. did i say ja and ju are partners..so are at and lo..hmm to and de were.. but it didn't cause a problem but i think i heard de cry.. alcohol... yay!

it was fun. fun. fun. underwater pictures. to's new camera.. noodles, shrimp, garlic rice, hope, kokorokoko, mosquito bites, generoso.. etc.etch. ingredients for a wonderful Sunday. topped with some real and cool people.

more more more....

friends..thanks for that!

whats playing.........

Music seems to be one of the things that bring memories back to me with amazing accuracy. So, say I'm listening to my iPod, and a Regine Velasquez's song comes up. I'll automatically press "next" as soon as I can I.D. what song it is. Why? Because, I unconsciously don't want to remember, or deal with the memories that will come flooding back with that song.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, you've experienced it yourself. Whether the memories be those of happiness, sadness, anger, or whatever, you know what I'm talking about. It happens with every emotion imaginable. Say, for example, you and your lover just broke up, and you hear a song on the radio that reminds you of them. What do you do? You either turn the radio off or find a different station, or, you listen to the song and let the memories flood back.
I was listening to Fallin' , and that immediately made me feel down, because when I was repeatedly listening to that song, there were a lot of problems going on in my life. I still listened to the whole song, because those problems no longer plague me. I can't listen to my fave oldies unless I force myself to do so. I was pretty depressed when I listened to these tunes, and the music just helped me stay depressed. I don't want to have to deal with that, so I always skip songs whenever it plays. I guess a song's ability to change your mood depends on the mood you're in when you're listening to the song, and what's currently going on in your life.
As for all the other songs that have no impact on you [other than happiness because you're listening to it], it's only a matter of time. Every song is waiting to be paired with a memory, a distinct emotion, a day in your life. If there was a playlist of my life, I'd have me a nifty set of music to listen to.
I wonder, what happens when you're in your 90's, ready to cough up dust, and you hear a song that reminds you of your 20's? Do you just sit back and reminisce? Do you get caught up now as much as you did back then and let the emotion rock you? I guess that's a question for everybody, right now.
What songs bring back your memories?

aching..missing

i am aching.. coz i miss someone.. my family. i wanna be near them.smell them..feel them.. it has been a long time... i wish we're together again. sleeping under one roof.. eating breakfast together..am i blogging?... sentimental me.. there are moments when i am like this.. no one knows..i think..

the vacation

i just got home from my one week vacation. i haven't walked that much my whole life but it was one good experience. i had a mini reunion with old friends. people i didn't talk much with when i was in highschool but it was different when we were together this time.. we had some things to talk about.. good experience.. i wanna go back. seriously thinkin about it...........

first entry

i just created my blogsite. inspired by jabbered onion. stuck at home and bored. i have browsed the usual sites all night and nothin's new and interesting.



i have nothing to write right now. but it will soon come. it will flow.



i miss work though, the people in the office especially my friends and my agents..



i'll see them soon.. i'll just rest for now...



then back to reality...